Moon Cheese Soup

I dreamed that we were somewhere by the ocean in a hotel room. We were there for someone’s wedding. There was a sliding glass door in the room that looked out on the ocean; if you walked out of the door you would be standing on the beach and the ocean was just a few hundred feet away. It was night and the moon was out over the ocean and it was HUGE. So huge that you could distinctly see the craters and if you took a picture of it, it didn’t just look like a white dot – it actually looked like the moon. I took a picture of it with my phone and the picture of the moon turned into a picture of a slice of cheese.

Portuguese Cilantro Soup

I am obsessed with this soup. I think about it all the time and I could literally eat it every single day.  It’s essentially just pesto in broth, but completely ridiculously delicious. We first had it at our friend’s house, and she once lived in Portugal so I know it’s totally legit. I’ve heard that people either love cilantro or abhor it, but never fear, cilantro haters: I have made this soup with a cilantro and walnut pesto and once with spinach and sunflower seed pesto. Both were muy delicioso, but I will say that the cilantro version had more “zazz”. You could make a pesto with any combination of greens and nuts that you like.

Ingredients:

• Poached egg(s), 1 per person. Make them first and keep them in a bowl of ice water. They’ll get warmed up when you add them to the soup.
• Day-old or stale bread, one chunk/slice per person. If your bread is fresh, toast it up a little otherwise it will disintegrate in the soup.
• Chicken or vegetable broth (homemade is best, but any will do). Use as much broth as you’ll need to serve the number of people you’re feeding.
• Cilantro, 2 or more bunches, leaves only (stems removed)
• Nuts: walnuts or any other nuts or seeds you have on hand
• Garlic - whole cloves and some chopped up for the pesto
• Olive oil
• Salt & pepper to taste

Put the broth and a few whole cloves of garlic in a pot and gently warm it on low heat. While the broth and garlic are heating, make the pesto. You can use a food processor, or chop it by hand or a mortar & pestle. Chop up the cilantro, a handful of nuts and some more garlic until everything is finely chopped. Mix in some olive oil until it has a nice spreadable consistency. Add salt & pepper to taste. Then add about ¼ to 1/3 cup of the broth to give it a little bit of a wet consistency. This helps it to mix into the broth easier.

When the broth is heated, add the pesto. The amount of pesto you add depends on the amount of broth you have, but don’t  skimp on the pesto.

To serve, put a piece of bread in each bowl and place a poached egg on top of each piece of bread. Ladle the soup over the top. Eat. Your life will change.

Jacques Pépin's Yoga Minivan

I dreamed that Jacques Pépin was my yoga instructor and would typically pick up his students himself and bring them to their classes. I was sitting on my front step waiting for the Jacques Pépin minivan; it was fall and the whole thing felt like waiting to be picked up for ballet class when I was a kid. A shiny black minivan pulled up but Jacques wasn't driving. Instead, it was a woman who was sort of like a wolf in sheep’s clothing, or like when Little Red Riding Hood talks to her grandmother who is really the wolf. She didn't look abnormal or anything, she just had that air about her. I got into the van.

There were other fellow yoga students in the van and it quickly became apparent that all of us had been duped. This woman was kidnapping us and taking us somewhere. We all surmised that we were going to be held captive and forced to do weird and/or bad stuff. But once we got there, we found out that we were going to be held captive and forced to be on a reality show. We were taken to a big warehouse and one of the rooms had lots of different costumes that were mostly just swimsuits and big t-shirts with dumb sayings on them.

Some time later or before, I also dreamed I was trying to use my credit card by running it through a swiper but I kept doing it wrong and trying to run the part with the raised numbers and it kept getting stuck in the machine.

This dream pairs well with the following meal:

English Muffins

Yes: you can make your own English muffins, and you should because it’s really not that hard and doesn't take very long. Use this recipe; it makes about 16 muffins which would be like if you bought more than 2 packages.  Then you can freeze the rest and always have them on hand to make your own breakfast sandwich, identical to those at a certain restaurant that shall not be named. I like the one that has the sausage patty and cheese. A few weeks ago I had to work really early in the morning so the night before I pre-made a breakfast sandwich of sausage patty & cheese on a homemade English muffin. I heated it up and left the house; I looked up at the sky and the moon and stars were still out and very bright. I ate my special breakfast sandwich on the way there while listening to NPR. Later, as the sun was rising, some of my coworkers made a trip to a certain restaurant to get their own breakfast sandwiches and I smiled to myself at my own cleverness. So basically this is why you should make your own English muffins – so that you can feel smug, and deservedly so.

Hippies and Hobos and Rain

I dreamed that my dad had committed some horrible crime and the scene of the crime was our friend Steve’s house. I don’t know what the crime was but my dad was now on the lam and we were protecting him. Steve’s house was now an empty crime scene and it was all jacked-up and dangerous up in there. Tom and I realized that our dog, Willy, was trapped at Steve’s house in the backyard without food and water and was probably really scared. We knew we had to go get him but if we just walked in there, the police would somehow implicate us in the crime and that would be bad. So we decided we would sneak into the back yard in the night and rescue him, which we did.

Then we were on the lam, but had to go to a friend’s wedding somewhere upstate. I saw us traveling on a map and we went North and a little West, to the North woods. The map looked like it was carved from wood and painted. When we arrived, all the guests were staying in a make-shift communal hippy tent, with cots and tapestries all over. The friends who were there weren’t real people in real life. Everyone was in a party mood and there was a beach by a lake. We were out on the beach having fun and it started to rain. Everyone ran inside the tent and the bride and groom were bummed. Then it stopped raining and we all went back out. Then it started pouring really hard and everyone got soaked and went back to the tent and we all thought the wedding was ruined. But then I looked up the weather on my phone and saw that after the current rainstorm passed, there would be clear skies for the rest of the day. I looked up at the sky and saw that it was night and the sky was clear and there were lots of stars, and I could see the tops of tall pine trees in my periphery.

This dream pairs well with the following meal:

Camping Hobo Chili-Mac and Pie Iron Sandwiches

My real-life group of friends goes camping on occasion and have this little graniteware pot with a lid that we call the “chili pot”.  When we camp, we make chili in that pot with a few cans of beans (any kind), a few jars of salsa, maybe some water if it’s too thick, and veggies if you have them. Then this sits in the fire for a while (well, on the grate on the fire if the campsite has it). Meanwhile, we make a box of mac & cheese. Whatever brand you like, but I would strongly suggest you choose those of the shell variety. Yes, this means you have to bring butter and milk camping, but you have a cooler, right? Plus then you can put milk in your coffee in the morning which is a treat for Tom and I but maybe not for other people. [Aside: it occurs to me that I have NO IDEA what percentage of the population prefers milk or cream in their coffee. I know that in my household, we are black coffee drinkers except sometimes on weekends IF we have milk, or when camping, or on holidays. If you take cream in your coffee on a daily basis, just know that I am completely fine with that, but also know that I secretly think it’s kind of decadent. I guess this is something I’ll have to work on.] Serve the chili mac in the empty cans from the beans and stuff, but be careful of the sharp edges!

We also all have sets of pie irons, which are pretty common I’m sure among seasoned campers. My parents never took us camping exactly, so pie irons are relatively new to me and pretty amazing. Anyway I’ll assume that everyone knows how they work. What we’ve been doing is using  tortillas instead of bread. So you can throw whatever junk you want in there and put it in the fire. In the morning if you make yourself a breakfast burrito in the pie iron, leftover chili-mac is real good in there. And why wait till you go camping to eat like a hobo? The answer is: you don’t have to. Also I apologize if I have offended any hobos, whether they take cream in their coffee or not.

Parks Department Wizard Hats

I dreamed that I was walking my parents’ dog through a community garden near their house. There was a woman there who saw me walking by and stopped me. She showed me some trees that had soft white and pink tufts growing off of them. The woman showed me how she was spinning the tufts into yarn and string and I helped her for a few minutes.

Then I ran into my mother and a bunch of current and past friends who all worked for the parks department. They were working at a different park. I was with someone (I can’t remember who) and we needed a ride home but couldn't find anyone to take us all the way there. First we found a ride to a roller skating rink and a connection there who would take us the rest of the way. At the roller rink, all the parks department employees were having a party and some of them were wearing wizard hats. I recognized one of them as a former high school classmate (but really I met him as an adult) and he agreed to give us a ride to our neighborhood. I decided I would walk home from there. Some how I ended up hitching a ride with someone in a purple car on the freeway.

This dream pairs well with the following meal:

Lentil Stew

2 C. green lentils, rinsed & picked through. Can use red, but they'll probably get mushy.

2 carrots, chopped

1 onion, chopped

2 stalks celery, chopped

1/2 green pepper, chopped (optional)

Handfuls of spinach

About 14 oz strained tomatoes, or whatever tomatoes you have on hand

5 C. chicken or vegetable broth, homemade. If you don't have homemade broth just use water. Don't even bother with the store bought stuff.

Herbs: bay leaf, thyme, oregano, basil

Piece of a parmesan cheese rind, if you have it

Worcestershire sauce (optional, but really does add a nice tang)

Salt & Pepper

olive oil

Saute the onion, carrots, celery & green pepper in the olive oil until soft. Add the lentils and herbs and saute a minute more. Add the broth, 3 TBSP of Worcestershire sauce & parmesan cheese rind if using. Bring to a boil, reduce heat & cover. Cook for 20 mins. 

Uncover, add the tomatoes & spinach. Bring back to a boil, reduce heat, cover & cook 15 to 20 more mins. or until the lentils are tender. Serve with buttered bread and wear a wizard hat to dinner if you have one.

Giant Dogs and Weird Funerals

I dreamed that the husband of a family friend had committed suicide. He looked like a newscaster but had been a football player. No one could understand why he had done it. The funeral was held at an old Catholic church in a rural area and I chose to sit in the back row because I don’t like funerals and if I’m going to get weepy then I prefer to be in the back row. It seems like I’ve had other dreams that took place in this same rural area/town. I happened to sit next to a thin-lipped woman who looked a lot like a character I had seen on Mary Tyler Moore the night before. She had blond hair and was dressed kind of plainly. She was older than me. She said she was the deceased’s sister. She kept talking to me, remarking about things as we waited for the funeral to start. At some point, two men - goth-punks - were walking around in the church. They were at least 40 years old and obviously really dedicated to being goth-punks because they were still doing it. Their hair was dyed black and one had a sort of grown out mohawk. They both were wearing eyeliner and black denim vests – jackets with the sleeves cut off. I assumed they were there to attend the funeral. Then they put on priest robes and began the funeral ceremony. The sister of the deceased was kind of shocked and appalled that these two goth punks were priests, but then someone else said that they had done a great thing for this church, they had revived it and gotten people in the area to attend again.

Both goth-punk priests were sitting at the front of the room and everything was wooden. It was afternoon outside so the light was not so bright inside. To the left of the rows of wooden pews was the entrance door which was blocked open because it was warm outside. As part of the funeral ceremony, giant real animals began filing in through the door, across the front of the room and then out another door which lead to a big covered tent picnic area, where a party was to be held after the funeral. First there was a giant puppy, which was about the size of Clifford the big red dog, but he was black. Then there was a mini-elephant, and then a huge over-sized grizzly bear, who growled loudly and startled everyone.

At the party afterwards, my brother and his wife and my parents were sitting at a table away from the rest of the people, but my sister had changed into really short shorts and was dancing on a table. I got really mad at her for doing that. Then I went back to a hotel room with my brother and his wife to go to sleep. We woke up the next morning at 10:30 and realized that we were supposed to have checked out at 8:00.

This dream pairs well with the following meal:

Tuna melts. Make tuna salad however you want. My secret ingredients are two big plops of dill pickle relish and a little dill, and red or white chopped onions, in addition to the regular stuff. Put it on toast and melt a slice of cheese on top. I prefer sharp white cheddar, but do what you will. While you eat try to shake off that feeling that you are mad at your sister for something but you don't know what and remember that you were only mad at her in your dream.

The Soup of Ages

I dreamed that I had escaped enslavement by men on horses. I had a companion and together we travelled on foot through a forest terrain. Eventually we came to a clearing by a river and stood on a rounded low hill next to the water that was covered in smooth rocks. Across the brown river were cliffs, maybe 50 feet high. On top of the cliffs were formations made of rocks stacked on top of each other in gravity-defying piles – like the stacks of rocks you see in zen gardens. There were many of these on top of the cliffs, spaced about 10 feet apart and each of these was also a waterfall.

Then we were walking across a schoolyard toward a school building. The sky was cloudy. Inside the school building, no school was going on. The school had been converted into a shopping mall but I could hear children reciting lessons a floor above. The floor that I was on had various stores and one was an optometrist. No longer concerned about being enslaved, I got an eye exam.

Then I was a short, troll-like man with an equally short, troll-like female companion. She wore a hood. We were selling a big pot of homemade vegetable broth door to door. Many doors were closed in our face. At one residence in an apartment building, a woman answered the door who looked a lot like Lady Elaine from Mr. Rogers. The me in my dream thought to myself of this lady that “the tip of her nose looked like it was pushing a dinosaur”. Her nose was long.

I heard music playing in the hallway and it was my alarm clock.

This dream pairs well with the following meal:

Vegetable Broth (if I suggested anything else it would be blasphemous)

I have never actually made vegetable broth from scratch, but I have made chicken and beef broth with startlingly wonderful results. Making broth is easy though, makes your house smell good and freezes well. You can use it in almost anything in place of water - like rice, quinoa, and so on and so forth. You can save vegetable scraps in a bag in a freezer and use them to make broth later.

But basically, to make it you'd need carrots, onions (leave the skins on for a richer golden color), celery, as a basic, but other vegetables can be used too. Maybe stay away from broccoli, cauliflower and cabbage as they tend to give the broth a slightly off putting odor. But if that doesn't bother you then by all means include them. I've even heard that you can add egg shells to the broth to give it extra calcium. You can also add whatever herbs you'd like: dried oregano, thyme and basil are good, and a bayleaf or two.

Put these vegetables and scraps and such in a big soup pot and fill it with water. Bring it to a boil and then reduce it to a simmer. Simmer for an hour or two. Strain out your vegetables. Bam - you've got broth. HOWEVER. You can take this a step further, but only if you love flavor. If you prefer a lighter broth, then stop right here, you are done. But if you love flavor, then consider the following:

After you strain out the vegetables, pour the broth back in to the pot and continue simmering for another hour or two until the liquid reduces by about an inch or so. This step will give you a rich, dark and completely flavorful broth and is highly recommended by me and Lady Elaine.

Why is a stranger wearing my clothes

[DISCLAIMER: I frequently have dreams in which my boyfriend is a complete jerk. In real life he is actually a very nice person and not a jerk at all.] I dreamed that I was attending an awards show for film or television, but it was being held at a honky tonk bar in the country. Actually it was more of a saloon because it had wooden floors and tables and swinging doors which when opened revealed a stereo-typical wild west dusty brown wasteland. A strange place indeed to hold an awards show for film or television.

In the audience with me were my boyfriend and some other real-life friends. We were sitting in chairs around a table, facing an empty wooden stage. I was wearing a floral dress and cowboy boots. Next to me was a girl I don’t know who looked rather bored, but my boyfriend was sitting on her other side and whispering in her ear and hugging her and such. She was wearing a dress that I own in real life. Actually she might have been the model from the website that I bought that dress from. Anyhow, I was supposed to be okay with this behaviour because my boyfriend was just trying to be nice to her or something like that, maybe she was new in town, I don’t know. I was annoyed so I went into the bathroom and took off my cowboy boots.

This dream pairs well with the following meal:

Vegan “cream” of broccoli soup & The Ultimate Coffee Shop [DISCLAIMER: Not vegan] Sandwich

I think I might have dreamed this because earlier in the day I thought my throat was feeling scratchy like I was getting sick. It is flu season after all. My theory is that we have bad dreams when we are sick [DISCLAIMER: I am not a scientist and this “theory” is based on absolutely no scientific evidence.]  As a result I thought I should consume as many vegetables as possible in one single dish. The joke’s on me though because it turns out I wasn’t getting sick at all.

For the soup you will need:

2 bunches of broccoli, florets and stems, chopped

1 large potato or 2 smaller potatoes, diced. Leave the skins on because they’re good for you.
2 carrots (optional), chopped
1 medium onion, diced
Garlic, as much as you wish or can tolerate, minced or finely chopped
olive oil
About 42 oz of vegetable broth or water
Salt & pepper to taste
Whichever spices you wish. I would suggest oregano; it’s supposed to be good for fighting colds.
Immersion blender, regular blender or hand masher

Sauté the onions and carrots in olive oil in a big pot till the onions are translucent. Add the garlic and sauté a minute or two more. Add the broccoli and potato. Add the broth or water. You want enough to just cover the veggies. Add the spices. Bring to a boil and simmer until the carrots, potatoes and broccoli are soft – soft enough that you can easily pierce them with a knife. When they are soft, use an immersion blender and blend everything until it’s smooth, or blend in a blender or just mash with a potato masher until it’s as blended as you can get it.

For the sandwich, you will need:

Bread: homemade whole wheat is best but if it has to be store-bought, then get the bread with the most oatmeal/nuts/seeds etc. in it you can find.

Muenster cheese
Tomato, sliced
Cucumber, sliced
Red onion, sliced
Alfalfa or other sprouts (did you know that you can sprout these at home?)
Mustard, if desired

Build your sandwich as tall as you can. The foundation absolutely MUST be based on a really REALLY thick slice of cheese. At least ¼” thick at a minimum. I suggest this order: bread, mustard, cheese, tomato, cucumber, red onion, sprouts, bread.

After you eat this, you will be filled with so many vitamins that it would be a good idea to find whatever person is doing something to annoy you in your life and tell them to knock it off.

Four and Twenty Blackbirds

I dreamed something before leading up to this, something about being at a public bath or in a steam room, but after that I climbed a big hill with Tom. Probably somewhere in Maine or New Hampshire. At the top of the hill we turned around to survey the view and it was breathtaking – a big valley filled with trees, surrounded by rock formations with more trees on them so everything looked lush. In the valley were scattered here and there a-frame houses and cabins and such, some on stilts so the roofs were even with the trees. The whole valley had sort of a small-town vibe, like the way that I picture Jack Kerouac’s home town of Lowell, Massachusetts based on his descriptions from his books.

It was so beautiful and I turned to Tom and said “this is just where I want to live”.

This dream pairs well with the following meal:

Pot Pie: Either with meat or without. Ask your grandmother for her recipe, or, lacking a grandmother:

First you will need to make a pastry crust for a double crust pie. You’ll need 2 sticks of cold butter, a little more than 1 cup flour, ½ tsp of salt and some ice water. Mix the flour and salt in a large bowl (hopefully it’s a hand-me-down bowl, but a newer one will do in a pinch). Cut the butter up into small pieces and throw it into the bowl. With a pastry cutter or your fingers if they are cold, work the butter into the flour until it is the size of peas, corn kernels, small pebbles or small wooden beads. Add ice water to the flour/butter mixture a tablespoonful at a time, mixing it in with your hands until the dough comes together. I’d estimate it will take about 8 tablespoons. If it gets too sticky, add more flour and if it’s too dry and crumbly, add more water. Shape it into a ball and wrap it in plastic wrap or better yet, these beeswax cotton wraps, and put it in the fridge or your icebox.

Next the filling. You’ll want things like cubed potatoes, carrots, onions, celery. Whatever vegetables you want or have in your root cellar. Oh, and garlic. Tons of garlic. Sauté all these except the potatoes in butter and add parsley, oregano and thyme. Cook them until they are soft. Add 2 cups of broth, chicken or veggie or what have you, some salt and pepper, and add the potatoes. Bring to a boil and cook until the potatoes are tender.

If you are using meat, you will need about 2 cups of cooked & cubed chicken or turkey, ½ cup of milk, collected earlier in the day from your dairy cow, about 2 tablespoons or so of freshly churned butter and 3 tablespoons of freshly ground flour from your village’s mill. Melt the butter in a cast iron pan and add the meat and flour, stirring with a handmade wooden spoon to mix. Add the fresh milk and cook just till it’s heated. Then add this mixture to your vegetables and stir and cook until the mixture thickens into a nice gravy. If you aren’t using meat, I think you could just add the flour and milk to the vegetables and cook till it thickens. Turn off the heat and let this sit while you roll out the dough.

Take the pastry dough out of the icebox and divide it in half. Roll out each half on a lightly floured surface, and sprinkle the dough with flour if it starts to stick to your grandmother’s rolling pin. Put one of the halves of dough into a pie pan and pour the filling into it. Put the other half on top and flute the edges. Cut some slits in the top of the dough. Bake in a 425 degree oven for 15 minutes and then reduce the heat to 350 degrees and bake for 20 more minutes or until the crust is golden.

Take it out of the oven and let it cool for a few minutes. Then wrap it in a tea towel, put your Sunday best on and walk down to the village square for the village barn-raising and square dancing party. Bon apetit!

The Mad Style of Rhoda Morgenstern

Last night we were supposed to put the lights on our Christmas tree, but got caught up watching what turned into a Mary Tyler Moore marathon. Mary Richards has kind of a dumb fashion sense, but Rhoda, supposedly Mary's dumpy, chubby BFF? No way, that lady can dress. Anyway, I fell asleep and dreamed that Tom put one string of lights on the tree.

This dream pairs well with the following cocktail:
Ginger-whiskey hot toddy. Take a good sized chunk of ginger, peel it and dice it up. Put it in a pot and fill it with water. Bring it to a boil. The longer you let the ginger boil, the stronger and spicier the ginger flavor will be. In a Japanese teacup (or regular mug, if you must. sigh), pour a shot of good whiskey, like Jameson. Fill it the rest of the way up with the ginger water. Add honey and lemon to taste. This drink is also good without whiskey, and is especially good when you are sick with a cold.

DIY

I dreamed I was making soap in my basement. I was stirring a pot of hot water with lye in it. I know that in real life you are supposed to be very careful with lye; when making soap you're supposed to wear gloves and goggles and a mask and avoid breathing the fumes. But there I was, stirring a big aluminum (another big soap- making no no) pot of hot water & lye, getting my face all close to it and dipping my fingers in it. I remember specifically breathing in the fumes.

This dream pairs well with the following meal:
I would say that this time you should make soap, but unless you are prepared to be safe, that's not really a good idea. Instead, how about some good old fashioned lip balm? It's easy. Melt oil and beeswax together in a double boiler. The ratio is up to you. The more oil you use, the softer it will be, and the more beeswax you use, the harder. So really think on it before you make a decision, because once it's made, it's made and there's no going back.

That Italian Accordian-Type Music

I dreamed that I had my same job somehow, or the same co-workers at least, but we were all working at an (allegedly) upscale Italian restaurant. The kitchen was sort of just a back room and it was really small and cramped. There were piles of restaurant stuff everywhere but I didn't see any food. All of the tables were full of patrons and my co-workers and I were standing in the back looking out into the restaurant, which was in a strip mall. The front of the restaurant was all windows like a strip mall. It was bright outside and dim inside, and staring out the bright windows made it hard for your eyes to adjust when you looked back in the restaurant. Suddenly a huge group of fancy, well-dressed people (one of the ladies had an evening gown, a fur stole and a cigarette on one of those long cigarette holders. Overdressed if you ask me, since it was lunch time) came into the restaurant and seeing that there were no tables available, pushed their way into the kitchen area to wait. My co-workers and I exchanged looks. Suddenly I had an idea pertaining to what my real actual day job is, and I pushed my way outside to talk to my boss about it who was standing on the curb outside the door with a big pile of luggage. He was waiting for a cab to take him to the airport, and I tried to ask him some questions about my idea but he kept laughing to himself and showing me a picture in the paper of Kathie Lee Gifford. Then he told me a story about how he had gotten to hug her as the picture was taken, and his cab pulled up but he kept talking. I went back inside as two rounded corner booths of people were getting up and leaving, and the big group of fancy people were pushing their way to the two tables, not even waiting for the dishes to be removed or the tables to be wiped down.

This dream pairs well with the following meal:

I probably dreamed the Italian restaurant scenario because I recently made spaghetti from scratch for the first time. It was surprisingly easy, despite the fact that the pasta machine’s instructions were translated into English from Italian and made little sense. If you can’t (or won’t) make your own pasta, then find your nearest Italian grocery and buy some fresh pasta there. It will be worth it, trust me. While there, also buy a big can of whole tomatoes, the highest quality that you can afford. To make a sauce, dump the can of tomatoes and their juice into a pot along with 5 tablespoons of butter. Peel an onion and cut it in half, placing the two halfs cut side down into the pot as well. Bring this to a boil and then reduce the heat so that the sauce simmers. Simmer for 45 minutes. Stir occasionally and break up the tomatoes into little bits with a wooden spoon. If you are like me, you will stand over the sauce for 15 minutes meticulously breaking each tomato into uniform small pieces. Taste it constantly. It probably won't need any salt if the tomatoes had salt in them, but feel free to add salt if it's not salty enough for you. While the sauce simmers, spread a red and white checked table cloth over your table, dump all the wine out of the nearest wine bottle (or drink it) and stick a candle in it. Burn the candle down enough so that some wax drips down the sides. Put an Edith Piaf record on the Victrola (yes, I said Edith Piaf. We are international here).

About 5 minutes before the sauce is done (if you did what I said and made the pasta from scratch or at least bought it fresh) bring a big pot of heavily salted water to a boil and once it’s boiling, dump the pasta in and cook for about 2 or 3 minutes, give or take. It will not take long. When the pasta is done, remove and discard the onion from the sauce. In two bowls, ladle a bit of sauce, then put some pasta in, and then ladle more sauce over the top. You must prepare two bowls; if you can’t find anyone to eat the second one then just let it sit there while you eat yours and pretend someone is on their way to eat it but is just running late. You can serve with parmesan but you probably won’t need it. You will definitely not need any bread. Bon appétit!

Cabin Fever

I dreamed that Tom and I were in Alabama, standing outside of a rustic looking cabin that was perched on a mossy rock outcropping right next to a big waterfall. It was beautiful. At first we were on vacation, but then it turned into some kind of Hunger Games scenario…we were inside the cabin, and our dog was with us. Tom was going to have to leave the cabin to go somewhere but there was something bad and deadly happening in the woods around the cabin (which now looked exactly like our house on the inside). I was going to stay in the cabin with our dog but I might not be safe from whatever the bad was outside, so we nailed old wooden pallets over all the windows and doors and tried to make the cabin look as empty as possible. I was instructed not to build a fire because we didn’t want anyone to see smoke rising from the chimney. Inside, it was dark and cozy. Tom left, and I was alone with our dog, just waiting for this bad thing to come and try to get me. If it did come, I was supposed to go to the top of the upstairs and climb up through a little trap door into the attic space and hide there, presumeably with the dog.

This dream pairs well with the following meal:

Especially in the event of Hunger Games-type scenarios or anything that happens where you can’t leave your house, it’s a good idea to have a wide selection of dry goods in your pantry, like lentils, beans, rice and other grains. Plus these items are all usually super cheap, even when you buy the organic options because 5 pounds of organic black beans will last a long time. Go to the bulk section of your local co-op or grocery store (hopefully they have one!) and go crazy. Just buy a five pound bag of one type of bean you’d like to try, and one type of grain you’d like to try. You can make soup or stew with just beans, a grain, and water, but you can add any vegetable, broth or meat if you have it on hand. In this case, just because I am thinking of it, let’s say lentil soup with carrots and brown rice. Close all the doors and windows in your house or apartment, draw the curtains or pull down the shades, light some candles or a kerosene lamp if you’re lucky enough to have one, and make this soup.

You’ll need 2 cups of lentils (dry), 1 cup of rice (dry) and as much carrot as you want. You’ll need to pre-cook the rice (put the cup of rice in a pot with a tight fitting lid and add 2 ½ cups of water. Bring to a boil, reduce heat to low and simmer, covered, until tender and most of the liquid has been absorbed, 40-50 minutes. Let stand 5 minutes, then fluff with a fork.) Meanwhile, put the lentils and enough water to cover them by about 2 or 3 inches in a soup pot, bring to a boil and simmer. Throw the carrot in at some point, and simmer until the lentils are soft. Serve the soup over the rice or throw it right in the pot.

Eat it curled up in a quilt on the floor in the middle of your living room with your dog (or other pet) by your side, listening carefully to the sounds outside in case The Bad Thing might be nearby. Extinguish all lights if you hear a rustling. Bon apetit!

Earthquake Consulting

I dreamed I was inside some sort of Chinese cartoon. Nothing looked like a cartoon, everything looked like real-life, but for some reason I knew that it was a cartoon that I was inside. I had two companions and we all were wearing backpacks because we were on some sort of a mission. My companions were helping me with this mission. The mission involved walking very fast around the inside of a one-story building, like a school. I think we were looking for something. There were lots of rooms with the lights turned off. At the end of the dream, we walked around a corner and there was a man sitting cross-legged on top of a shelf or something that was about shoulder height. He was wearing a cool suit and tie. I say ‘cool’ to mean that he was wearing a suit but the kind that a cool action movie guy does. He also had a backpack and perhaps also a sword. Come to think of it, I think we all had swords. He was waiting for us and was going to help us. He introduced himself. “I’m Sierra Nevada,” he said. “Media Sales and Earthquake Consultant.” Then I woke up and was disappointed because it was getting really exciting in my dream.

This dream pairs well with the following meal:

Something summery; some sort of protein-rich salad that is cold but chock full of nutrients because you’ll need that extra energy to complete your mission. Something with hardboiled eggs and sunflower seeds, avocado, banana peppers, fresh spinach and baby lettuces. Drizzle with a light balsamic vinaigrette. Maybe have a Sierra Nevada to wash it down.

First in Flight

I dreamed that I could fly, like it was super power that I had recently acquired; all I had to do was stand in the window sill high up in a house and look up at the night sky and the stars and think “fly!” and lift up my arms and I would fly. I had been given some sort of task by someone but I can’t remember what it was. Instead of doing whatever I was supposed to be doing, I flew to an ocean beach where there were many sea creatures: crabs, jellyfish, starfish and so on. My cat was there with me at the beach for some reason and together we were looking in crab holes at bright orange and white crabs. You could see all the way into their holes like they were living rooms with the drapes left open. In some of the larger crab holes, there were mirrors behind the crabs creating an infinity effect, and lights as if they had a lamp inside. There was a box on the beach with water in it and I picked it up and dumped the water back into the ocean, but discovered that there had been a jellyfish inside. I jumped away from the jellyfish and tried to push it back into the water with the box. Then I noticed that I had a painful welt on my right thigh which I assumed was a jellyfish sting, but it looked more like someone had punched me really hard in the leg. 

This dream pairs well with the following meal:

I'm thinking seafood. Maybe shrimp scampi? Or grilled shrimp with herb butter? Or coconut shrimp? Let's go with coconut shrimp. I've never actually made that from scratch so my advice is to go to a restaurant that has them on the menu. It's good to treat yourself sometimes and also coconut shrimp are better if they're deep fried, and sometimes deep frying is daunting at home.