Monday, October 7, 2013

Jacques Pépin's Yoga Minivan

I dreamed that Jacques Pépin was my yoga instructor and would typically pick up his students himself and bring them to their classes. I was sitting on my front step waiting for the Jacques Pépin minivan; it was fall and the whole thing felt like waiting to be picked up for ballet class when I was a kid. A shiny black minivan pulled up but Jacques wasn't driving. Instead, it was a woman who was sort of like a wolf in sheep’s clothing, or like when Little Red Riding Hood talks to her grandmother who is really the wolf. She didn't look abnormal or anything, she just had that air about her. I got into the van.
There were other fellow yoga students in the van and it quickly became apparent that all of us had been duped. This woman was kidnapping us and taking us somewhere. We all surmised that we were going to be held captive and forced to do weird and/or bad stuff. But once we got there, we found out that we were going to be held captive and forced to be on a reality show. We were taken to a big warehouse and one of the rooms had lots of different costumes that were mostly just swimsuits and big t-shirts with dumb sayings on them.
Some time later or before, I also dreamed I was trying to use my credit card by running it through a swiper but I kept doing it wrong and trying to run the part with the raised numbers and it kept getting stuck in the machine.

This dream pairs well with the following meal:
English Muffins

Yes: you can make your own English muffins, and you should because it’s really not that hard and doesn't take very long. Use this recipe; it makes about 16 muffins which would be like if you bought more than 2 packages.  Then you can freeze the rest and always have them on hand to make your own breakfast sandwich, identical to those at a certain restaurant that shall not be named. I like the one that has the sausage patty and cheese. A few weeks ago I had to work really early in the morning so the night before I pre-made a breakfast sandwich of sausage patty & cheese on a homemade English muffin. I heated it up and left the house; I looked up at the sky and the moon and stars were still out and very bright. I ate my special breakfast sandwich on the way there while listening to NPR. Later, as the sun was rising, some of my coworkers made a trip to a certain restaurant to get their own breakfast sandwiches and I smiled to myself at my own cleverness. So basically this is why you should make your own English muffins – so that you can feel smug, and deservedly so.